Nine days.

I'm stomping around my house, pulling things out of drawers and off shelves, trying to pack what I need for the next week and put away what I won't be taking with me. It's a lot harder than I had expected, because I have a lot more stuff than I thought. But, I'm picking and choosing between this pair of jeans and the other, and for some odd reason, I realize that the "bear necessities" is running through my head. Okay. Shrug. I guess I'll pack only what I need.

9 days. Tonight, I'm scared shitless. And I feel uprooted and cluttered and frustrated. And possessive of my things. And cluttered. Dammit.

BUT I found out who my roommates are and where I'm living. From my estimates, I'd say we live about 4 miles from the IES center. But that estimate is from a travel map of Rome, so it's probably not very accurate. Both of the girls I'll be living with, Caitlin and Liz, seem really nice. They don't fit the stereotype that I was hoping to avoid.

Stacy and I plan on returning on June 10th, and so I need to change my plane ticket and buy the Eurail pass.

Spence has decided that he thinks we can try to work it out while I'm gone. He makes no promises, which I understand, but it's more of a 'yes' than it is a 'no'. I'm worried about how much I'll miss him. I'm worried about being homesick. But, alas, such is life.

I think I'll go grab a bite to eat.

18 days.

For those of you following along, I just got my schedule for the upcoming semester abroad, as well as my mailing address. The address is as follows:

IES Rome
Lungotevere Tor di Nona, 7
00186 Rome, Italy

Send me letters, as I will love to hear from you!

My schedule is relatively relaxed. My last day at work is January 27th, and I'll probably head back to Lafayette on the 29th or 30th, give or take a few days. I leave Indiana on the 3rd of February and arrive in Rome on the 4th. We have time to get situated in our apartments and have dinner with our roommates that night. The next day we have off-site orientation in Perugia and Assisi through the 7th. Friday the 8th is our language placement. We have intensive Italian through the next week and classes start the next Monday, the 18th. Spring break is March 21 - the 30th. Mid-terms are from April 7 - 11. We've got a field trip of some sort the weekend of April 18th, and no class on the 25th. Also, we have the 1st and 2nd of May off. Finals are May 19-22nd and our last day is Friday, May 23rd. Tadaaa!

The IES center is in a new location this semester, and it happens to be across from the Vatican on the Tiber River. How delightful, no? I won't know where my apartment is until the week before I leave.

Also, I am interning with Cafe Abroad, and will be meeting with the Rome team once a week to discuss our plans for publications, the city guide and event coordination. I am somewhat lost on what exactly I will be doing, but I know it involves writing articles and attending events throughout the city...not to mention meeting four new people that I won't see in my classes or in my apartment.

Aside from, "When do you leave?" the most commonly asked question is, "Are you excited?" Of course I'm excited. I'm thrilled. I'm also struck with a mix of other feelings including fear, anticipation, anxiousness, nervous ignorance and an all encompassing longing for both the now and the tomorrow. Right now, I am most comforted and calmed by the idea that not only am I leaving, but I'm also coming back within a reasonable amount of time. Who knows how that fact with impact me later in my trip. I'll keep you posted.

It's been nice to not have classes lately. I've been working non stop, keeping busy with reading and researching and listening to as much new music as I can get my hands on. Deli folk have really been an amazing gift lately, as they are probably the group I spend the most time with outside of the Bratpack, and their perspectives are refreshing. I'm spending as much time alone as I can while still cherishing the last few weeks I have with the people I adore. And then I leave, and I'll bring them all along! Follow along through this...please! I'll be posting as much on here about my trip as I possibly can, complete with pictures and maps and links etc.

So, let's have a big party, drink our drinks, celebrate our love for one another and then I'm off and I'm taking you with me! 18 days, my friends.

Thursday.

24 days?

It's gloomy again and this time It's affecting my mood. I think all the working I've been doing has me a bit run down. At first I really enjoyed having my time filled, making money, and spending time with the awesome Deli folk. I think I'm just a little exhausted, though. The more often I work, the more clumsy I become.
Box lost her baby two days ago. Apparently there was a kink in the cord. She was due any day. It's really taken its toll on the lot of us. Despite our distance from her, we can feel her pain and it weighs on us. It's so strange how things happen, and why. No one ever saw this coming. I would really love to go to the baby's funeral tomorrow, so I am praying someone will call me back and take my morning shift. Otherwise I'll have to mourn from home.

I'm driving back to Lafayette either Friday night or Saturday morning to have dinner with mom and Kara. I've been home a lot lately.

I really miss my friends. I haven't spent much time with Ali and Jers in the last few days. Its unusual. But it's apparent to me that more effort is required on my part.

Waiting is hard. I don't want to wait anymore. I want things to get done. I want to leave tomorrow. I want to have enough money. I want to change my flight back. I want to have the housing situation under control and set in stone. But, I feel more ready every day for the leaving in itself. I've been spending a lot of time with people I don't hang out with all that often. Including myself. And I'm learning little by little not to take life so seriously. I'm learning that clinging to something is not a way of having it. I'm learning the value in the quiet, slow moments. And I'm finding it easier to let go and have faith in the wide world. There's got to be a safety net.

24 days. Yes. No question mark.

Rainy Tuesday.

Enough of that, now! I've been reading today, holding up in my room, while the world outside soaks in the gloomy downpour. It's perfect for a good book and some herbal tea (who cares if it tastes good, its homemade, and I'm still learning what goes well together). I am reading Beppe Severgnini's La Bella Figura, learning about the Italian mind and all. I'm imagining my condominio and my roommates and the noisy neighbors next to us. All of this is fabricated, of course, and my thoughts are only hopeful ones, seeing as how I have no idea yet who I will be living with or where.
I've done a bit of planning regarding the traveling Stacy and I want to do after my semester ends on the 23rd of May. Here is a rough draft:

From Rome, we will take a train along the eastern coast of Italy towards Switzerland. I have yet to decide where would be best to visit here, but when we reach our destination, we will go from there to Germany. I'd really love to go to Stuttgart and see the Black Forest, but we'll see. From Germany we will head to Belgium where we will stay with Stacy's cousin. Hopefully we will have easy access to the Netherlands from Belgium, as I don't think the Eurail goes there. From Belgium, I'd love to go through France and visit Paris. I've been to the country before, but I've never visited the capital, and though I've heard both good and bad reviews from friends, I'd love to see for myself. From France, we can catch a cheap flight back to Rome and fly out from there, heading home no later than June 4th.

Of course, I'll have to run all of that by Stacy, but the sooner we plan it out, the sooner I can change my plane ticket and feel a little more at ease. I'd also really love to travel to Ireland while I'm in that direction. I will be visiting Ben in London, after all.

26 days.

Friday night.

Sonny came home to her favorite room
Sonny sat down in the kitchen
She opened a book and a box of tools
Sonny came home with a mission

She says days go by I am hypnotized
I'm walking on a wire
I close my eyes and fly out of my mind
Into the fire

Sonny came home with a list of names
She didn't believe in transcendence
It's time for a few small repairs she said
Sonny came home with a vengeance

She says days go by I don't know why I am hypnotized
I'm walking on a wireI close my eyes and fly out of my mind
Into the fire

Get the kids and bring a sweater
Dry is good and wind is better
Count the years, you always knew it
Strike a match, go on and do it

Days go by I'm hypnotized
I'm walking on a wire
I close my eyes and fly out of my mind
Into the fire

Light the sky and hold on tight
The world is burning down
She's out there on her own and she's alright
Sonny came home
Sonny came home...











I found this old tape that my mom made me on my 11th birthday. I'm listening to it and remembering all these old feelings and textures and dried autumn corn and the Phantom of The Opera. It's really a blast from the past, as the majority of my life has been lately.

An update. A Wednesday.

Aha! Thirty some odd days until I leave. It's been a hell of a week since Christmas, what with the New Year and all. Been spending a lot of time on my own, with the exception of the past few days. It's nice. I'm starting to feel more comfortable in silence. But nothing makes me feel better than the love I receive from my friends.

What I'm learning is how hard it is to love unselfishly, but how necessary it is in order to remain truly loving.

New Years was a blast. B-Fed visited and it was wonderful to see him again. We all dressed up for the occasion and looked snazzy in our dresses and ties. Midnight came and we toasted to the new year and all of the good times to come.

I've been distracted lately by my own issues and haven't done much studying on the Italian way. But I hope I can get back on track with that as soon as I return to Bloomington. Now I'm back in Lafayette for a few days to have Christmas with my mom. She and I saw P.S. I love you tonight and it made me cry, which I'm ashamed of because it's the biggest chick flick I've seen since Titanic. But I did enjoy seeing Gerard Butler in something other than 300.

I got a response from Cafe Abroad. They don't need any more travel journalists, but they offered me another opportunity working as some sort of regional correspondent. We'll see where that takes me. Also, my computer died. It won't turn on. In fact, nothing happens at all when I press the ON button. So I took it to my mom's computer guy and he said he'd have it back to me tomorrow, most likely up and running. Wonderful! I'm not sure what I'd do without it overseas.

If there is anything I've learned in the past few months, it's that life really does hit you in waves, and sometimes you're high, other times you're low. Taking it as it comes is the key, and breathing through it helps to get past the hard times and cherish the good. Digging through my past has uncovered a lot lately, which is good. I've gotta do it sometime, might as well be now.

I think I'll head to bed. I'm exhausted.