back back back

Dowd does it again.

What a column.

So, it finally let up, the rain that is. Tomorrow I have my last final at 11:45 and then I am spending the rest of the day packing, while our farewell dinner is around 5 pm. I've got this weird, uneasy feeling in me that has been sitting and lingering in my stomach, making me jittery and short of breath all day. I think it's the changes coming up. It's all approaching so quickly and it's all happening so abruptly. We take our last exams, and then we pack up and leave. My final complaint about IES is that I spent my last full week in Rome studying like crazy for my exams, and had hardly any time to enjoy the city leisurely. At the same time, I have made the best of it, and spent a lot of time with Cait and Liz, missing them already. Last night I went to my friend Lindsay's house and drank wine with some of the other girls and danced around their dining room to The Beatles.

I am going to miss the city, but I am also going to miss the people I've met here. It's interesting how you find people to love and get along with and share your thoughts with even after you pack up and move away from everything that is familiar. It's nice to be reminded of how many people there are in the world and how many of them you are likely to get along with. It's not so bad out there, really. You aren't alone. People are not menacing.

My new motto is: If you can do it in Rome, you can do it at home. For example, I plan on using public transportation in Bloomington whenever possible, as it can't come anywhere near the level of complication that is the Rome transit system. Also, if I can leave everyone I love behind for four months and rebound as quickly as I did, I feel like I could do almost anything. Although it's hard to judge without being completely removed from the situation yet, it's safe to assume that this trip has done wonders for my self esteem, my personal independence and my intellectuality. I feel stronger simply for being here and surviving it, no, enjoying it.

Not to mention I've come to value the passing of time, as it seems it has passed so quickly since I've been here, and I can't help but realize yet again that four months, one year, 100 years is nothing in the span of the universe. It's not so much that I value its fleeting existence, but instead it's the little moments that you can almost watch in frames move across the screen of your consciousness (because they are so meaningful and so individually fantastic), almost feel slipping effortlessly through your fingers despite your effort to stop time and savor them, that I have come to recognize and give thanks for. Time never stops and I always wake up, either from a deep slumber or a mental disconnection of sorts and wonder how I got to this moment and where yesterday went. I think this measuring of time and its momentum is important, because knowing that you are mortal makes every second potentially (if not inevitably) pertinent, relevant, precious.

I don't know. Another phase of my life has come and gone and I have to wait and see exactly what I've taken from it and what it has taken from me. Isn't it funny how we almost never know what right now means in the long run? Isn't it a little bit ironic that the best way to evaluate ourselves and interpret our state is not by the present, but by the decisions we've made in the past? We are in a perpetual state of playing catch up. And yet by this principle of action and consequence, the only way to really ensure the future is to be here and now. Easy. Easy and natural. Just living. And smiling. And breathing.

Earthquake

I think this is important.

It won't be real for any of us, but I feel it's useful for us to get as close to it as possible so we can truly understand the pain that others are experiencing, and be thankful for our lives and their simplicity.

I just took two finals and I've been complaining about them all day. I have one more yet to come in a few hours, and life could be a whole lot worse.

It's raining here in Rome. The world is so big. Today I'm applying for a workshop in Houston this October for travel journalists. We'll see how it goes.

Naples rubbish

Read this

and then read

this.

In case you were unaware, the mafia is alive and well in Italy. They are an alternative form of government in the South, and most Southerners have no will to change the Mafia's control on their lives nor the faith to believe anything they could do would make a difference.

It's not just because the dumps are full. It's a problem with roots far deeper than that. It's corruption and there has got to be a solution.

Saying goodbye. Ever so slowly.

If I had a memory like this, I wouldn't need this thing.

Pretty darn cool. I'm munching on sunflower seeds and avoiding doing any of the many things I should be. It's about time to start packing up my room. More importantly, it's time to study for finals. I have four next week, three of which are on Tuesday.

Today is the first humid day of the season. It's just hot enough to be slightly uncomfortable if you're up and moving around. Up until now it's been sunny and warm, but breezy and satisfying. Luckily I won't be here much longer, so I'll avoid the soaring temperatures. But, it promises to be a hot summer in Bloomington, too.

These last few weeks have been weird ones. It's all starting to feel a bit nostalgic, and I'm starting to say my proper goodbye to the city that has housed me for four months. I'm walking more slowly, I'm trying to sense as much as possible. The trees outside our apartment smell like blooming flowers, and the sweetness is intoxicating. It penetrates every part of our home. Near school, the green lagoon that is the Tiber looks more and more beautiful the close I get to leaving. Knowing that I am leaving soon makes the city much more habitable, as I am no longer surviving it, I am enjoying it while I can.

I've been spending a lot of time with Cait and Liz, as usual. We went to dinner at Isadora on Thursday evening and made lemon chicken for dinner together last night. We cracked open a coconut in the middle of the hallway with whatever tools we could find, only to discover that it wasn't very fresh and therefore wasn't very tasty. After some nightly escapades of climbing the stairs and trying to find the roof, we settled for the little courtyard in the middle of our building that we'd never been in before. We laid in the middle of the square traced by our apartment complex and watched our little patch of sky pass over head. It was like a dream. A dimly lit, surreal, beautiful dream. This morning we woke up at 5 and watched the sun rise at the Colosseum. It was lovely and cool and quiet. The Colosseum will never be anything less than stunning in my eyes. It has a way of hypnotizing the viewer, especially when it's empty and still. I slept until 1 pm this afternoon, something I haven't done in a very long time. I just returned from the grocery where the old man at the meat, bread and cheese area kissed my hand and wished me a happy Sunday. It's Saturday, but I knew what he meant.

My roommate Liz really loves these puffy cheese balls. She eats them by the bag. We have all decided that they will come visit Indiana as soon as possible. Of course, we will try to travel to one another's homes, but Indiana is a good meeting point for the first reunion. I am so lucky to have been placed with such great roommates.

Stacy arrives on Friday, in less than a week. How exciting! I think finals should be easy if I put my nose to the grindstone and study as much as I need to. It will be really nice to have school off my back.

I discovered the pastry shop near our house. It could be the end of me. It's so delicious. The counters are lined with incredible little tarts and cream puffs and round wafers with bavarian cream and fruits on top. I bought my political science professor a mimosa cake to celebrate his graduation and his new title of "Dr. Toaldo". It was delicious. Liz and I stopped in on our way to the store today and bought a few yummy treats for a few euro.

Well anyway, I think that's a good update for now. I should go study. Italy really is beautiful, especially now, in the late spring, when the bees are buzzing and the birds sing and the air smells warm and sweet with flowers and green leaves.

Georgia

I find this appalling

and I think you will too.

My roommate Caitlin read that article to me a few minutes ago. I can't get over it. All cases like that do is discourage women from standing up for themselves and reporting their sexual abuses, and encourage men to take advantage of whomever they please, knowing that the chances are slim they will ever be caught and punished. WHY should a woman ever have to disclose all of her previous sexual interactions in a rape case not connected to any of them? Why should she ever have to PAY for her rapist's court fees? If you have been assaulted, you should be able to go to the authorities and the legal system should back you and bring you justice. That's what it's there for. Why are there conditions that must be met for a rape to be a rape? If you say no, and someone forces you to do otherwise, it's rape. No matter what. And for god sake, why should it ever matter if you're a virgin or not? That's completely irrelevant and invasive, and it's embarrassing to have to disclose that information in detail to authorities, just so they can decide, based on your past decisions, whether or not you were asking for it. I am disgusted.

Update.

Today has been lovely. It was sunny and 80ish. I woke up around 10:30 and started one of my two history papers that I plan on finishing before Monday. I checked on the baby birds on the porch and watched Lulu (mother bird) feed them for a few minutes. They are yellow and awkward and have yet to open their eyes, but I adore them nonetheless. My porch has turned into a tree house now that the leaves are out and the branches that reach over towards our kitchen on the 3rd floor are green and full. Birds nest included. I need a hammock.

Caitlin, Jules and I went to the music festival in Piazza San Giovanni. It was really cool to look at but not as fun to attend if you weren't Italian. I couldn't understand any of the music and I was a little nervous about all the inebriated people, but it was fun to jump around and dance and listen to music on such a lovely day. We left after about an hour and spent the rest of the day relaxing at home. I am more than 3/4 of the way done with my paper. I'll finish it tomorrow.

I made a super spicy dinner. So spicy that I couldn't finish it. Caitlin and I watched "Can't Hardly Wait" and reminisced about high school. Now I am tired and ready for sleep and hopefully better dreams than last night.

A small update. More later concerning the Romans and their ways.