Friday, January 22, 2010

Freshly cut. Adapting.


My friend Malorie cut me some lovely plants the other day and delivered them to me as I was leaving work. She pulled in just as I was pulling out and waved urgently for me to stop. Aren't they grand and unassuming and winding? The post card below the jade green bottle is from my friend Catie. She was one of my two blessed roommates in Rome. I miss her and Liz both so much sometimes.

These plants will make the move with me. I leave in a few days. I'm not going far - not yet. Just home. But that's the first step in my escape. I think as their roots extend, mine will too, and eventually I'll plant them wherever I decide to plant myself. That will be a good day.

Droplets.

You ever sit at
the base of what you feel is the world
and you're looking up at it
with wide eyes
full of tears
begging for the world to let you drink her up.

I feel that way
often
And I can't decide
if it's me
or the world
who's holding herself back
but I'm utterly thirsty. Parched. Gone too long without
a damn
drop.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Feeling in the weather patterns

It's been raining for three days
and the weather drips from my cheeks
in my own sort of downpour
you know Mother Nature and I
we're women
and we feel
and so we cry.

An old poem I wrote a few years back. I kind of like it.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Meditation, kind of

So, tonight I went to a yoga class at the Vibe Yoga Studio, where I've spent at least an hour of my life for the past three four nights. I've attended two hot yoga classes, already, as well as one pilates class and tonight, a meditation class. I've never been very good at meditation. I have trouble steadying my breath, and it doesn't help that I have sinus problems. A day with a clear nose is rare for me. But sometimes it happens. And there have been a few precious times when I have tried to meditate and succeeded.

Once was in the living room at my old house on Grant Street. I lived there with my dear friends Stacy and Mike. I was sitting on the shag carpet after a series of yoga poses. When my legs crossed and my eyes closed, it took no effort. I suddenly slipped into a deep, quiet trance in which I felt I was sinking into my own gut, hovering there warm and mystically suspended. I couldn't hear anything but my own breath and the hum of the blood in my veins. It's a feeling of being completely detached and tuned in. Those things may seem contradicting, but I mean detached from the world, tuned into myself.

Another time occured in the same house, in the same living room on the same shag carpet when Stacy and I sat across from one another and attempted some energy work. I placed my hands face up and she hovered hers face down above them. We could feel the flow of my energy into her, and vice versa. Suddenly I felt like I was being pulled gently by a string from between my shoulder blades. I was floating up and out. A feeling of weightlessness took me, and I heard Stacy say, "It looks like you're floating."

Tonight I sat with five others in a dimly lit room with white walls and hardwood floors. A giant gong sat at the front of the room next to the teacher, who wore all white. She was full, strong, like a tree trunk when she stood, and when she sat. She seemed to glow a light purple. Her brown hair was held back by a chopstick. The class began with breathing exercises, a lot of rapid inhaling and exhaling - again, not easy for me with nasal problems. During the last twenty minutes we lay on our backs and she turned down the lights and she beat on the gong softly with a padded mallet. It echoed through the room with such force and resonance that I didn't think it was real. And while I tried desperately to let the waves of sound to wash over me and lull me into a deep trance, it only lulled me to sleep.

ZZzzzZzZzzz.

I wondered if anyone else had fallen asleep, too. No matter. It felt good.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Shambles

I am trying desperately to find comfort and content in my mess of an apartment. Usually it is tidy, warm, welcoming and just cozy enough to wrap its arms around me while I settle in with a book and a tea.

But now. Now I'm packing, and everything is in shambles. The pictures are off the walls, the bed is unmade and covered in all the things I can't find an empty space for, and there are boxes everywhere. I can't so much as change my shirt without banging my elbows on things, leaving little bruises everywhere. I hate this phase of the moving effort. Nothing has a place and so it is all over. Aesthetics are so important to me. I feel almost incomplete and unhappy if I cannot sit down at the end of the night and be calmed by my environment.

Oh well. It's all part of the process of moving, I guess. So I'll deal with it and light a few candles to take the edge off. Maybe a bottle of wine will help, too.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Green and yellow Summer
















What I would give for a little bit of Summertime.






Wicklow Woman

Oh woman
a ways away where I have only set foot once
from a distant land
you pull me

Your world, all lights aglow and children pitterpatter
your world of ocean waves and creeping sunrises
of crisp winter winds and
foggy, salty coasts

it pulls me.

I want to die and be reborn
in your home
in your tub

I want to walk barefoot through your old house and listen
as the boards creak like the trees in the deep forest

I want to sip coffee at your table
across from you
in the morning
and laugh with you
over dark red wine
at dinner parties

Your world is magic
and it pulls me
like the ocean pulls you
and I know it does.
To me, you are the ocean, oh Wicklow woman.
And I want to meet your shores.