A down day.

One thing I've learned in the past few days is that a change in location does not indefinitely change your outlook on life. You can move across the world to a place where they don't speak your language, to city full of historical monuments, and still feel half empty. My troubles have followed me here. My boredom has come along with. My life feels generally the same, only I am without my friends and family, and without a comfort zone that extends beyond my apartment.

Today, everything is closed in Rome. It's a holy day, so not even the supermarket is open. I learned that the hard way and came home discouraged, but with a gelato. Yesterday I refused to stay in for another afternoon, so I went to the Vatican Museums and saw the Sistine Chapel. I really loved it. It was a different experience alone. I'm glad I did it, but it didn't leave me feeling inspired. I suppose that's what I came here looking for - inspiration. The most inspiration I've felt since I've been here is the kind I experience when I talk to my family and friends and Spencer. I'm bored a lot. I'm lonely a lot. I'm confused a lot and I'm uncomfortable a lot. And more often than I'd like, I am asking myself why I'm here. I don't feel depressed. I only feel detached and listless. I thought maybe the city would wake me up. I thought maybe a drastic change in scenery would light my fire. Maybe I'm going about it wrong. Is it bad that I don't FEEL like socializing?

I'm frustrated. I'm only two weeks in and already, I am fed up and dying to come home. I'm dying for the familiar, which is why I spend hours at a time at my computer, or reading a book I've already read. I'm waiting for the lightening to strike. I'm waiting for that moment when I don't feel so afraid or tired or alone or blank. I'm not sure what to do. Everyone said, "You're going to have such a good time!!!" What am I doing wrong? I'm tired of being alone all the time and I'm tired of not knowing how to navigate or communicate.

It's a test of stamina, being here. How long can one hold out before they have a mental break down?

I'm only being pessimistic. Tomorrow will be better. I promise.