Alone and content in a blizzard

I'm not sure how I'm so content here in Lafayette to stay home all day instead of venture into town. It's so different from who I used to be when I actually lived here in high school. I never wanted to be left alone. I was desperate to have a social life.

Now, in the blustery late winter that has settled over these two cities, I am fine to sit at home and watch the flakes fall all day long. My days are peppered with snacking and sleeping and the occasional flip through the channels, but mostly I just write. My complacency would make sense if the writing fulfilled me, but it doesn't.




It's bad writing. It's public relations, it's fluff; meaningless words meant to make someone look good who's really not. And yet, it's all the work I can get right now. Before I graduated, I had never written a press release or worked in public relations. I graduated with a degree in journalism and a relatively strong portfolio of news clips. I even have an award for one of my stories.

I've applied for hundreds of journalism jobs. I'd estimate I've sent resumes, cover letters and clips to more than 125 publications, both online and print. I've been called back for two interviews, which would make my success rate below 1%. But consider the fact that the only two jobs I've been interviewed for are in copy writing and PR, fields I have no interest and even less experience in. So if you feel like being a huge pessimist, you could say that my success rate in almost landing a writing or reporting job is at 0.

Moreover, I applied for fewer than 10 copy writing jobs and maybe five public relations jobs. That means my success rate at landing interviews in careers I have no experience in is 13% higher than in the field I studied and excelled at.

How's that for a picture of the economy? It doesn't help that my field is slowly losing momentum.

Maybe my complacency stems from knowing my unemployment is not for lack of trying. Maybe it's because I've given up. But I don't think so.

At night, I eat dinner and I sit and watch Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune with my dad and his wife, Lori. Maybe I've just slipped in to an easy routine that has been handed to me on a silver platter, one that requires little effort. The company is good. The wine is cheap. The room is free and the house is warm. And responsibility evades me, whether I like it or not. Maybe I'm just trying to enjoy my free time.

But I miss my friends and adventure and challenge. I feel like I'm retired, or something.

Just waiting for the next step. But I'm starting to wonder how long I'll wait.

Some rambling convictions

Lately I've spent a lot of time trying to find a way to be successful, creative and generally productive without a full time writing job. More than many things, I want to get paid to tell good stories, but it seems the world has little need for story tellers right now. Instead there is a call for investment bankers, economists and the like.

However, I refuse to believe our people have been consumed, digested and reborn as sterile, number crunching robots with no sense of connection unless fed by a remote control or an electrical outlet. It cannot be that there is no need for creative sharing between humans. It is impossible that we are only interested in our individual lives and I don't believe we, as a people, are content in just being awake. Just breathing...blinking.

We want to live. We want to understand our purpose for living. That's why we go to bookstores and search the aisles for a gripping novel to read in what little spare time we have. It's why we buy candles when we don't need them to illuminate our houses but just want to bask in their warm, flickering light. It's why we meditate when the only real minimum requirement is eight hours of shut eye. It's why we still sit down together for holidays when we could settle for a conference call or a Skype session. It's why we still look into the eyes of our loved ones and why we all wonder, every single day, what the person next to us is thinking. We want to connect with our souls. We want to feed our spirits. We want to study our existence as living beings. We are still trying to figure out where we came from and why. We are still trying to find meaning in our lives and this cannot be found without extending outward to those around us.

It is for these reasons I refuse to believe humans have maxed out their creativity intake. There is room for more. In fact, there is a gaping hole waiting to be filled with new ideas, new stories, the ponderous thoughts and concerns of the people around us. Our meaning doesn't lie within our bank accounts or computer hard drives. So let's step away. Step away and cradle the value in a good conversation, in understanding human nature. Doing such is like coming home from a barren landscape to an oasis of nourishment

We all feel the same emotions. Sharing them and studying them like the precious clues they are can bring us closer to enlightenment, well being, inner and outer peace.